Finding Joy

I am amazed at how quickly I can go from “Everything’s Fine” to “Everything’s NOT fine.”   And somehow this trigger is tied to my finances.  One week things are moving along, and then suddenly something happens and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.   The sentences rush in:

You’ve blown it again.

You’re not a good provider.

How much more can you take?

You’re not as smart or as successful as you used to be.

There’s something wrong with you.

Despair creeps in and my day tanks.  And the next day.  The verse “Be strong and courageous” is of little help when strength is nowhere to be found.

So I rest in “Be still and know that I am God.”  Ps 46:10   I abide in Christ’s love for me and stay there until oxygen returns to my lungs.  It takes awhile.  Longer than normal.  A small praise of thanks for who God is, who I am, where I am, and the good that God is up to in my life.   The voice rushes in.

This is foolish.

This will not get you anywhere.

This will not help add finances to your family.

Why don’t you get a real job.

Small praises give way to more gratitude.  Gratitude for large things first, then medium size, then the small stuff.  The praise is drowning out the voice of negativity and joy returns.  With the joy comes new ideas.  An idea that says “What you are experiencing here and now is not the end…There is more to your life than the pain of what you are now experiencing.”

Gratitude helped rescue the day.

It wasn’t easy.

It was a battle to find joy.

But it was worth it.

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