What is God up to?

I just returned from “Top Gun”–no I am not entering into the Navy’s Fighter weapon school.  I spent five days with Michael Thompson and his team from Zoweh Ministries in the mountains of Virginia, near Lexington.

I love so many things about these type of retreats (all modeled after what Ransomed Heart does in Colorado) because they help a man (or woman ala Captivating/Unveiled) get to the root cause of what drives our pretender, or false self.  It allows time to be alone with God, being directed to answer some challenging questions and invite His voice to speak.  I’ve been a part of these retreats for almost 8 years now, as a participant and as a leader and presenter.   I’ve done alot of hard work in going after old wounds and getting healing.  I’ve seen many men (and women) get their hearts back because they’ve done the hard, yet rewarding soul-work.

So on Friday, as I was sitting alone in the quiet (amidst 220 other guys seeking the Father) with my own thoughts and God’s counsel, He brought up some things from my past that were undealt with.  Ancient things, covered over by many years of build up and scar tissue.  Wow.  Was not expecting what God dug up.  I am in a bittersweet spot at best, and am so thankful for the way God came for me.  It seems like what he showed me was the magna cum laude/magnum opus wound of my life.  That wound carries a message, and I think I have not handled this part of my heart very well — for years.  It has something to do with not receiving love.  And when you don’t handle a key part of your heart very well for years, you can bet that you are probably not handling other people’s hearts very well either.  Because when you don’t receive love well it is hard to love others well.  Especially those who have hurt you.  At least I know this to be true for me.  I’m allowing Jesus to show me what to do with all that he brought to me.  I sense he wants to do a deep healing work in this very sensitive part of me.

Michael called today and as we spoke of the weekend, one thing he mentioned was that the more a person gets their heart back, the more you will be able to feel. I certainly must be getting my heart back more and more because I have felt greater joy over these last several months than in a long, long time.  This weekend it seems I have felt a sharper pain than I can recall in many months also.  It’s like it’s such a pain that only the Father knows because of some deeper brokenness in me.  I’m very glad to have Jesus to walk with in times like this.

I oftentimes will ask–“God, I wonder what you are up to with this or that situation?”  This is definitely one of those periods.  I love it that not everything in life gets wrapped up neatly with a bow.

And with that, ministry life goes on outside the garden.   There is still much work to be done.    A glorious process of being under renovation and advancing the Kingdom at the same time.  Even though I would like to just sit still and allow God to do a new work in me, the battle continues on and ammunition is needed at the front lines.

What is God up to in your life?
For Freedom,

Kevin

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